Broken Family

I was dreaming of summer on a dock. I was walking around listening to the waves gingerly crash against the underside of the wooden deck. There were tables and food, and cocktails. I could feel the mist of the water and smell the crisp afternoon heat. Everything was perfect...

until...

I was bothered when I heard some heavy breathing and grunting. (Not the fun kind, either). It took me a moment to realize this awkward noise was not coming from my blissful dream: full of serenity and calm, but rather in my house, the kitchen in particular, and it was seven am. (Yes, naturally on my day off.) The next phrase I heard was more disturbing than my initial thought of hearing my parents having sex..or worse, my dad masturbating. It was my mom saying, "well, do I need to call a doctor or EMT???"

I immediately reached over to de-blind myself and rammed my hand into my lamp. In my hasty attempt to jump out of bed and save my dying father's life at seven am, my mind failed me... I rearranged my room the day before and switched my Chinese paper floor lamp with my nightstand, and wrong-way-reached.

After gathering my senses and slapping on my binoculars, I ran to the kitchen where the uncomfortable noises were coming from. I was greeted by my Old Man dressed for work in what appeared to be a crumpled crooked alignment. I look at my mom, as if to suggest I was prepared and willing to preform surgery with my Swiss Army knife and a spork for what I once thought might be the death of my father. She half smiles and says, "Courtney, your father had somehow screwed up his back." The face of my father looked a bit twisted and drunk as he said, "Deb, AHH UHH take me UGG, fuck (which was whispered to suggest he might REALLY be in pain) to the bed, bed, to the bed WOO SHIT."

Around this time, I have been awake for approximately 2 and a half minutes and am just now realizing that my dad is not in fact crawling towards the bright light, however, having back issues. (Back issues that potentially could have let me sleep in a few more hours if they were a bit quieter).

A thing or two someone may not know is that I am in fact a morning person, and even though I was stricken awake with panic and fear, I also found myself to be awake enough for jokes and fun...Unfortunately for my crippled dad this meant making him flinch and watching him wither in pain. (Okay, it's not as bad as it sounds...mostly). About an hour later, I did take him to urgent care where they injected my poor scared-of-needles-and-shots father with 2 massive doses of pain killers and muscle relaxers. The ride home was a bit silly. He found it necessary to tell me that his body is immune "those types of drugs" (hmmm??) and laughed at all the cars. I on the other hand drove my fathers vehicle where the chair happens to be stuck and broken in his proximity from the wheel. The result: Courtney driving with my arms and legs extended almost to their fullest being that my father is close to 7 inches taller than me.

Bad news for the day: Had to wake early on day off, had to drive awkwardly in car, and got assaulted by a man at Walgreen's.
Good news for the day: Pops was not dying, developed pictures of Vegas, and picked up dad's Vicodin prescription!

Adios

My Birthday with Kathy Lee Gifford

As I lounged around on this wonderful 23rd birthday of mine, I began pondering on life goals and future employment.

I was watching the Today Show with Kathy Lee Gifford. She and brain absent Tori Spelling sat around discussing fecal matter. My mood went from happily groggy to uncomfortable outraged. It was not that I was particularly disturbed by their choice of conversation on national television (because I often enjoy talking about bowel movements myself). It was, however, the fact that they both were getting paid for such material. I want to make money by engaging in conversation about stool samples and wiping rituals. On top of that, they were eating lolly-pops as I was informed that it was National Lolly Pop day, and drinking champagne. Now, I'm always a fan of drinking in daylight on a patio somewhere, but this is preposterous. Gifford actually said "this is Happy Hour on Today," and just popped up with 2 glasses of bubbly.

Damnit, I'm funnier than 94 year old Kathy Lee, I love talking about poop and all of it's adajecent topics, and I may even have supported her long forgotten child labour sweat shop incident. How is it that I'm now 23 living with my "roommates" again watching the Today show when I should be ON the Today show drinking champagne and sucking on a lolly pop! Ann Curry and I would sooo get along.

Now I have come to the conclusion that I am going to apply for her job at the NBC studios. I'm going to skip the internships and ground level work of being a coffee runner and just advance my way up the chain to drunkenly laugh with Al Roker and Matt Lauer. Move over Kathy Lee, it's time for Courtney B.

Maybe this is just wishful birthday thinking, and perhaps I should drowned in some birthday cake...But let it be known that I HAVEN'T blown out my candles yet and there is still time for me to make a wish! Bahahaha

Feliz Cumple a mi!

Job? What about Vegas?

After being away from home for a few months, I have decided it is time to get a job. I thought I may be able to make it through August, but my recent trip to Las Vegas proved me wrong. Financially, not working until the end of August would be suicide. I also came to the conclusion that I wanted to move away from NM for good. Not too many people liked my "moving to Asia" idea, so I compromised and decided to stay in The States...for now. Moving, whether it's to China or China Town, NYC costs money- something that currently my bank accounts is unfamiliar with. I started thinking that saving money was the most important of my current tasks and put the kibosh on the moving out idea. Yes friends, I am living again with my roommates...AKA, parents. They're cooler than me, so it's actually a step up!

I was also unsure on what type of job to get. Did I want a 9-5 job? Did I want to have to train for a career that I may potentially leave in 6 months? Are there any jobs available right now? Fear not, I took comfort in my home away from home at Seasons.

Up side- Dinero!
Down side- Starting on my birthday! Feel free to send me flowers.

I assumed I would be a little depressed about beginning a job again,but after the Vacay, I think I will be happy to get busy once more...Here's why:

Post 3 wonderful, relaxing, and mind blowing months in the America South, I (with Man Lover), took a trip to Las Vegas. And before that, we made a pit stop in Laughlin...which lasted 24 hours. (There may have been a Joe's Crab Shack involved, along with dollar Busch Beers). After arriving in Las Vegas and checking into our hotel which I would compare to shit laced Motel 8, we began the Vegas tradition, and drank. Man and I met up with some friends (being that we were there for a wedding not ours) and had a night out on the town. In short, the weekend included Sapphire Gentle Men's Club, Arcades and plastic rings, Captain Morgan and Bud Light Lime, security at Caesar's Palace, Tight dresses and Penis nosed glasses, dancing, Bombay Sapphire, bumps and bruises, a wedding, a speech, some Red Bull, and a ton of pizza! Oh Vegas. (I will reserve all the awkward cabbie stories for another blog, there are many).

The weekend was concluded with a trip to The Grand Canyon. And please take my word on this, it is GRAND! Since we were driving, there was contemplation on skipping it. I lucked out on not having to drive, therefore, I was not as tired as the hungover Man already having drove for 6 hours. The decision, nevertheless, was not disappointing. I was blown away. Who knew the earth's crack was so good looking? I sure hope my crack is that captivating!

Oh, the wedding itself was pretty amazing. Bride was beautiful, groom was sexy, cake was delicious, and the shots of vodka were life saving! Even though I broke the bank and now have to get a job, I wouldn't have done anything different!

Cheers to Vegas

Proof... In Color

Whilst in Argentina, I sometimes wondered if I was missing out on the wondrous world of Myspace, Facebook, and Twitter. I have wanted for sometime now to post some eclectic photos of my travels, and have just now figured out how do do so. (It should be known that if I had a networking account like the previously named, I was successfully prepared with glamorous photos I took of myself documenting the days I thought I looked my finest. I also decided that if I possessed access to such an account, I would make a folder labeled "ME photos" and only post the ones where my hair looked good, my boobs looked perky, and when I appeared to be Hollywood anorexicly skinny).

Instead, for your viewing pleasure, the random, funny, and scenic pictures will be posted. Enjoy!