Can't get by on Your 'Smokin' Hot Looks

Along with keeping in tip-top-shape, trying to be a better person, and other predictable New Years Eve resolutions, blogging clearly leaped out the metaphorical window. I've been thinking in blog since the last time I graced Blogspot with my word vomit. Unfortunately, other than changing my toenail polish bi-weekly, (by painting over and over the other colors- the nails are about 3 inches thick, now), and making my lovely French feline Fifi fat, I had not ventured over any note worthy posts. This was until an energy saving light bulb went off in my 'Waitress Chronicals' head recently.

So the story goes...

In the past few years New Mexico has blown up as far as movie productions go. In particular, Albuquerque has become a haven for the film industry (hasta que Susana Martinez... but we won't discuss politics). The city is constantly on camera, and an interesting product of this would be the abundance of celebrities we have living and visiting here.

Like many people not in the famous spectrum of life, I am interested in the lives of people with lavish multi-million dollar homes and tiny lap dogs (hello People.com 24/7 mobile updates). Living in NYC, I was even fortunate enough to spot a few, this being said, I do find it inappropriate to run up and engage these virtual strangers in my star struck conversations. They don't need to know how much I love their movies, they have the buco- dollar checks to prove how much people enjoy their craft. I find it especially tacky to interrupt their lives when they are at a restaurant enjoying their down time with friends and family. Privacy is a luxury I (mostly) attain, and for this I will not name the particularly good looking actress this story encompasses, so we'll just ll her 'Juliet'.

For Juliet and her friends, everything seemed to be going great: wine was being consumed, food inhaled, laughter left and right. All in all, they were nice and joyous guests. After she and her mini posse had indulged in a few glasses of Sauv Blanc, Juliet kindly asked her waitress if she could smoke. Unfortunately NM law prohibits smoking in restaurants unless specific measures are taken for those non smokers so they can believe they are existing in a world where smoking only happens to hobos and glamorous actresses on television. We, clearly do not follow those constraints and have made the establishment 100% smoke free.

All seemed to be easing by well in the evening- no one had caught on fire (thus far), everyone appeared to be in good spirits, nothing could get us down....
...This was until we turned around and Juliet was Smoking. HOW RUDE!

Seeing that she and her friends refused to not only abide by our house policy of no smoking on the premises and openly shit on NM law, clearly Juliet has allowed stardom to float to her pretty blond head. This, however, I can forgive... with the correct apology and appropriate compensation. (Yes, I'm a literal waitress whore, everything has a price).

I suppose because the night went by so smoothly, it would be naive to expect everything to fall into place; some people call this moment of realization cynicism... I call it painful reality. Poor Juliet couldn't even afford to tip 20%. As a matter of fact, it is obvious that her Yale University mathematical skills are not even up to par as she incorrectly added and her intended mediocre tip was considerably worse after her addition.

(Let's get one thing straight, I'm not judging her based primarily on her lack of numerical calculations, for I too am a delinquent in this curriculum). I am snubbing her largely because if I were an ass hole (correction, famous ass hole) and purposely intended on using my celebrity-ism(?) to rule break, you better believe I'd throw down like a true pimp and tip upward of 50 percent for my discourteous and unrefined behaviour.)

Sure, perhaps some would be offended at a celebrity attempting to arrogantly buy their way to get and do what they want, yet, I'm in an industry where for the correct price, I can neglect to see a little emphysema scandal and perhaps even provide the matches.

Thanks for proving the self-righteous celebrity stats to be true, Juliet.

PS, please sign my apron.