Waitress Chronicles: Be Careful What You Wish For

I've never wanted to use this blog for anything but travel. Talking about my work, in my opinion, would be counterproductive to the purpose of this, relaxing and glorious writing forum. Nevertheless, in my line of work, I often encounter some if the most bizarre, awkward, incompetent, inappropriate, and flat out unique individuals. I have seen it all, complete with the mispronunciation of cocktail names, to bad first dates. I've had the pleasure of witnessing live projectile vomit and old lady snatch. I've been criticized and yelled at, I've been stiffed on a bill, and even had people pay in change, (all 27 dollars worth). Though this is (hopefully) not a personal career choice, through the ugly and uncomfortable, my job, is entirely too entertaining. It is now that I can no longer hold back the hilarity that ensues between the evening hours of 5 pm and midnight at my working establishment... I give you The Waitress Chronicles! It was just last night that I had the sheer pleasure of consoling a woeful party of 8 'over-the-hill' baby boomers when they so irritatingly 'felt neglected'. Clearly, we couldn't quickly enough replenish their 7th round of bottled Bud Lites and sangrias. (Eee a la). In my most sincere attempt to kill them with kindness, I was asked if I could have one of their pink fruity cocktails remade, and to 'not spit in it'... I'm not too sure where these people frequently dine where they are constantly concerned about the spit content of their beverages, but I suggest 2 things for them. One, find another place to dine, and promptly, saliva in sangrias is not okay. Or two, stop acting like dick wads and forcing servers to want to add their own 'personal' ingredient to your drink. *Sidebar* Many a time I have considered doing this and much worse to a persons drink or food, and as tempting as it may sometimes be, I am proud to say that I have refrained from doing ANYTHING nasty to a customers food/drink. (With the exception of a college party where some large chin sank insulted the craftsmanship of my Jell-o shots... she got a beer full of Courtney Beer) ....Back to the real story... Upon returning this newly made 'spit-free-by-request' cocktail, I turn and inform the other waitress of the recent occurrence and to reassure her all is now corrected and well. I then ask the woman how her new drink is... her response of silence baffled me, however, the response of her friend was a bit more alarming. "Be careful what you wish for," is what her friend chirps to me. I didn't know if this was a threat or she was just naming off titles from the Goosebumps series, by R.L. Stein. Obviously, I had misunderstood her and proceeded to ask if she too needed a drink. She continued chanting this phrase to me, and after the third time, I just walked away. Somewhere along the lines of trying to help her friend become content with her beverage selection, this woman decided it appropriate to speak to me in riddles. I promptly added a gratuity to the party, sensing they would the 10% tippers at best. The rest is history, really. A small batch of crazy on a Thursday night is nothing compared to the upcoming, knee-slapping fun I will grace you with in the posts to come. Cheers