But I Want to Sit There!!!

Recently, while living the dream, (aka waiting tables) I was faced with an interesting individual who, quite honestly perplexed me. Normally, I have a witty and off kilter comment on standby for the average folk who begin to engage me in conversation while I am at my busiest. I can feed the shameless Friday Night Men (Imagine Baby Boomers in Affliction wear) their crude 'tude right back. Arguing my way around a bill is a speciality of mine, with the end resulting in me asking "what is it you want for free," and the cheap chicken leaving head-hung-low shameful. This day in particular though, I was utterly flabbergasted when a man asked the simplest of questions.

After relaying to him that he may sit anywhere he so desired, it instantly became obvious that I should have clarified that he was able to sit at any TABLE he desired. Looking dumbfounded, the man proceeded to ask me, "But what if someone is sitting where I want to sit?"

In my many moons of waiting tables, I have yet to be baffled in such a way. I gazed at the confused gentleman through my own befuddled eyes, and opened my mouth in response only to discover puttering air rolling off my tongue. There were many unoccupied tables, waiting for guests to rest their tushies and get lit off red wine sangria, but no, this man was solely interested in sitting at this specific table, one in which an elderly couple was exclusively enjoying course 2 of their 3 course dinner.

"Sir", I responded, "you can sit at any table that does not already have people sitting at it. We won't ask them to move for you." Thinking I had cleared up any puzzled thoughts, I was for the second time in a matter of seconds taken by surprise when the man again asked me "but I want to sit there (Where the other couple is and has been for an hour eating drinking) and there are people sitting at that table."

I glared in astonishment, sheer bewilderment, that this man could not comprehend that he was not allowed to sit indeed where he wanted. My welcoming phrase should now be "welcome, sit where ever you want...except at a table that is already occupied...even if that's the table you want...it's first come first serve...and no, you may not ask the early birds to relinquish their seats so you may order a glass of white zin and munch on free bread... Olive Garden is a 10 minute drive up town, they have endless bread sticks, please do not come back here."

The man decided to hit the bar up for a glass of wine (If it had been white zin, I honestly may have sucker punched him in the back of his head) and stood in the doorway, waiting to sit at his table of choice. I walked away, unaware of what to do next. It was like trying to explain to a 6 year old that even though you want to play with the toy trucks, you will have to wait your turn, because someone else is currently enjoying the truck. There were many other toys to play with, but that specific one is off limits until further notice. The fortunate part in illustrating this concept to a young child is that THEY GET IT. Trying to convey a life lesson to a balding 35 year old is like trying to teach a dog to speak. I felt that perhaps if I had utilized my sociology skills (thanks a lot, college degree) I would still have been better off demeaning this man with baby voices and large hand movements.

In the end, the location this man settled on was far from his original scouting preference, nevertheless, a prime location for creepily staring at all who passed by and uttering odd comments about the view from our rooftop balcony. All in all, this is a man I would like to wait on again in the near future; a prime candidate for the loony bin. I can't imagine an evening without such frequent abnormalities, however, in working in the restaurant industry, what exactly is considered normal?!?

Cheers