While cleaning off my refrigerator the other day, I began uncovering layers of old shopping lists, Christmas announcement photos and business cards. The product consuming the most real estate on the fridge front, however, were dozens of random recipes written on napkins, scraps of notebook paper, old paper bags, and even one written in red lip liner. (Slut). The majority of these creations I have already tested on unwilling suspects; (mom, dad, and man lover), and oddly enough most of which were fairly delicious. I have a few 'go-to-recieps' for any and all occasions that are stored upstairs; all are simple and have rotating ingredients depending on what I can get my hands on. (You'd be surprised to find I am actually NOT Greek, considering the amount of lemon, olive oil, and garlic I add to ever dish I prepare...yes, even dessert). But I have to say, it is the homemade ranch dressing that swoops in and steals the gold medal.
***Note*** I am fully prepared to accept all responsibility for the following statement- This ranch dominates all other ranch dressings. (Possibly even that of a scrumptious, kinda-local New Mexico pizza joint).
While in college, my roommate (still one of my best friends) and I would consume this condiment by the gallon. We began living together during the second semester of our sophomore year, right after winter break, and right before spring break. Being that time of year, we were in all-out-get-in-tip-top-shape for bikini season mode. She and I routinely found ourselves at the gym, visited the tanning bed just as often, and obviously began "eating healthy." To us, "healthy" consisted of incorporating cucumbers doused in this "healthy" homemade ranch dressing, and chasing our (cheap) vodka shots with pickle juice, rather than soda.
Who were we kidding? Small modifications to our debaucherious lifestyles were obviously not aiding us into sexy swimwear in any way. Sure, We went to the tanning bed, yet, I took the time to shield most of my moles with shapely stickers. (After a season of fake baking, I appeared to be another race, but I also had small pale dolphins and stars glowing on my back). True, we could be seen at the gym every day, nevertheless, laying on the floor, using a medicine ball as a pillow while flirting with the 'oops' I later made, doesn't necessarily count as exercise, either. And that ranch dressing...
I am not exactly sure why we were under the influence of thinking that we were eating healthy. The magical ranch dressing that I swear by is none other than Hidden Valley's Original Ranch Dressing Mix. With one cup of milk, (Must be whole milk, don't cheat yourself outta this), one cup of mayonnaise (do NOT use any low-fat or organic shit), and one packet of said Ranch Mix, get to mixxin' refridgeratin' and eatin' !!!
Roomie and I didn't stop at salads and veggies, that sexy sauce went on everything. Quiche, tacos, eggs, generic brand Saltines, you name it. Perhaps it was our 'cheesecake' that brought all the boys to the yard that semester and not our 'milkshake,' but we didn't care. It was the best semester because we were tan, 'in shape,' and we had that damn ranch dressing.
To this day, I continue to imbibe on the sacred concoction, yet, I find myself utilizing it in moderation. Apparently 'gettin' chunky' and that dressing have some sort of affiliation.
Though expressing my gratitude towards Ranch Dressing seems like something you'd find on an Adam Sandler Album, I am proud to say I do own one of his CD's and would give praise, as he sang "Ode to my Car," to the ever delectable do-it-yourself Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing!
I highly suggest everyone make it TONIGHT!
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